How Philanthropic Psychology can help YOU lead with love not fear
If you’ve ever felt a knot in your stomach before making an ask, you’re not alone. Being a fundraiser can bring with it emotions like pride and fulfilment. Yet we know fear rears its head just as often. Fear of rejection, fear of getting it wrong, fear of bothering people, fear of failing. These fears don’t make you a bad fundraiser, they make you human! Yet, more often than not, they can make an already high-pressured role feel even more challenging.
With the Institute for Sustainable Philanthropy, you can find a new way to approach fundraising. We call it philanthropic psychology, and it may help you transform these fears and give you a completely different perspective on your relationship with your donors.
At its heart, philanthropic psychology explores why people give, and how fundraisers can nurture donor emotions and identities that make their giving meaningful. Rather than focusing solely on tactics or targets, it invites us to understand donors (and ourselves) through the lens of love, wellbeing, identity, and human connection.
The theme underpinning all of this is authenticity. As C.S. Lewis famously wrote, “To love at all is to be vulnerable.” Asking for a gift is, fundamentally, an act of vulnerability. But so is giving one. Philanthropic psychology helps us reframe both sides of that relationship.
Fear Isn’t the Enemy. Misunderstanding Fear Is
Research with fundraisers shows that fear often comes from imagined catastrophes: What if they say no? What if I look unprepared? What if I damage the relationship? But imagine applying a baseball analogy. As fundraising trainer Jim Eskin suggests: a player is considered great if they hit the ball one out of three times. In many fundraising contexts, a 1-in-3 “success rate” is exceptional. When we adjust expectations, fear softens.
Another helpful shift is remembering who the gift is for. You are not asking for yourself. You’re asking on behalf of the cause and for the donor’s opportunity to express who they are at their best. Giving, after all, reliably boosts meaning, wellbeing, and identity. When a donor says “no,” it isn’t a rejection of you. It’s simply a mismatch between the ask and their current capacity or priorities.
A Small Exercise You Can Try Today
Here’s a simple taste of how philanthropic psychology invites you to think differently.
Try this reflective exercise:
Think of a donor you know or imagine a typical donor to your organisation.
Ask yourself: What identities matter most to this person?
Consider roles (parent, neighbour, activist), values (justice, care, tradition), or the communities they belong to.
Now ask: How does supporting our cause help them express this identity?
Finally, reflect: How might I communicate with them in a way that honours and amplifies that identity?
This shift from seeing donors as sources of money to seeing them as humans expressing who they are can help change the way we think about our engagement with donors. Instead of approaching an ask with anxiety, we can approach it with curiosity and care. We are not just asking from them, we are also trying to give them something in return – a community, a connection to what is meaningful to them.
Fundraising as a Shared Journey of Love
Philanthropic psychology isn’t about scripts or persuasion. It’s about understanding the emotional and psychological foundations of giving so that fundraisers can design donor journeys that genuinely uplift donors and feel more authentic to deliver.
And perhaps most importantly, it helps fundraisers ask from a place of love rather than fear. Because when we can still care for someone, regardless of whether they give, we free ourselves to step into the authenticity that true fundraising requires.
Want to find out more? See our Certificate in Philanthropic Psychology
In this eight-week course, students explore questions such as:
• What does love in giving look like?
• How does giving enhance psychological wellbeing?
• Which identities matter most to donors?
• How can fundraisers speak to the best in people?
• What does this work mean for our own sense of self?